Episode 2 (11/26/2008): Leather, Limericks, and Queering Alice’s Restaurant

So this was a long time ago, when Mr. Kyle and I had a radio show, but I thought you’d emjoy what ultimately got transcribed. I know the re-reading gave me a good laugh.

-Natt

You asked for it, and now we’re giving it to you! Butches in the AM: The Thanksgiving Special, starts now!

Natt:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GOOD Morning Twitter-verse! Welcome to the second live Twittercast of Butches in the AM with your hosts Natt and Kyle!
Kyle: Good morning Titter-verse! Are you ready? How ‘bout a weather report to start with?
Natt:Sounds good. Currently overcast, with highs in the mid 40’s here, as NYC gears up for the Macy’s parade. Not too windy though, so that’s definitely a plus. If you’re in town, head up to the UWS to catch a preview of the giant balloons tonight.
Kyle: Oh yeah… the big parade! You going to be there?
Natt: I will be avoiding the parade, though I may watch it on TV. Lots of cooking to do and then a family-style potluck. You?
Kyle: My thanksgiving celebration will include an inundation of family. And there is a definite danger of expanding the man belly I’ve been trying to shrink over the past couple of years. Also, I’m going out of town to a very Red sort of town, if you know what I mean.
Natt: Indeed I do. How’s the weather over there?
Kyle:I had to scrape my windows this morning (no bike riding), so I believe that makes it cold as a witch’s tit out here in the PAC NW… or is that considered unPC? And do we care?
Natt:Mmm, tits. I’m gonna go with, “A great way to warm your hands, but you might get slapped.”
	Debauched Diva: As much as I love your beautiful hands and have some wonderful memories of them, I draw the line at cold ones. Sorry.
Kyle: …Natt, I *love* tits… but I think there are other ways to warm up hands more efficiently.
Natt: Valid point. I happily concede that to you.
	Dangerous_Lilly: Actually….that sounds like it would be quite erotic for both parties My nipples can cut glass when I’m cold.
Kyle: Do we have a caller on the line? Go ahead @Dangerous_Lilly. What was that about your nipples?
Natt: Yes, do tell!
Dangerous_Lilly: Nice cold hands make nice hard, sensitive nipples… and once everybody’s all warmed up, oh my are they ever “warmed up!”
Natt: And on that note, we’ve got a great show for your today, folks! Kyle’s going to give us the 411 on keeping your favorite leather jacket in tip-top conditions, and special correspondents Leo de Frog and Hussyred will weigh in with their opinions on the holiday insanity. Plus, a special guest caller, and our first-ever “Wanking on the Air” segment.
	Kyle: Do we have our femme correspondent? Hussyred, wake up girl! Hussyred:(said from off-camera, in the studio) You boys are out of control! Kyle:(whispered away from the mic) You have no idea… this is not close to out of control Dangerous_Lilly: Wanking on the Air? Ohhh that sound FUN!
Kyle: Alright, dead animal skins! Butches love them, and I believe femmes love us in them. So what is it that turns us on about leather jackets?For me, the smell is a big turn on. And I love a nice supple leather. Let’s get some responses. freedomgrrrl:They smell good… Kyle: Is it just the smell? What about the James Dean, Fonzi angle? I’ll Admit it. I feel tougher wrapped in leather. freedomgrrrl:Well, they make you look tough too. And it’s nice to borrow when I’m cold. There’s something about a leather jacket thrown on over nothing else that gets me going. Kyle: Ahh… yes, the option of wrapping our women in our leather jackets and freezing until we’re blue… but all for a good cause. Ok, thank you caller for weighing in on the leather jacket question. Next caller? Dangerous_Lilly: The smell of leather does make me wet… Zero to horny in two seconds flat? Achieved by opening my bag o’ restraints and inhaling. Kyle: I felt that way when I pulled the Jaguar out for the first time… had to give it a nice big huff.
Natt: I’m going to go with allowing us to indulge in our fantasies about being a kick-ass butch with a bike. And definitely agreeing about the smell. Plus, really, who doesn’t want a jacket that’s rugged and yet still matches your harness?	MollyRen: Natt, is that a butch style tip?
Hussyred: I’d have to second that, Mr. Nightly. I think many femmes also love the chance to equate butches with James Dean.
Kyle: So a little hard to understand, emotionally restrained, cool and distant? Or just cool and sexy and ready for anything? Obviously, I need to go out and get a new leather jacket (A year ago, I had mine stolen from a bar in the same Red city I’m goign to be in this weekend.)To recap: leather turns us and them on. It’s comfortable, we can loan them to our dates, they are tough looking. Leo? Did I forget anything?	freedomgrrrl: Mmm, “ready for anything.” I like that!
Leo:(Dashing breathless into field) Leo de Frog on call here in the chilly swamps of Boston… but my hands are freshly warmed! No, Kyle, I think you’ve got it. Are we going to discuss the downsides?
Kyle: Excellent question, my friend. Ladies? Downsides to leather? debaucheddiva: Only rain or snow. For me, personally it is the smell that I like. Dangerous_Lilly: Depends on the leather. Some isn’t great quality, so not as soft. Stiff can be good, but stiff leather? Ouch! Kyle: …Yeah, quality of leather is important. I love leather with a supple, smooth hand myself. And yes, in the PacNW, sometimes leather is worn for the effect, not for practicality.	Dangerous_Lilly: Talk about your double entrendre… Kyle: (away from the mic) *snort* Ya think?
Natt: I think we would do well here to all take a moment of silence for the rough times marked by the bad, lesbionic leather jacket of the ’90s. Rough look!
Kyle: Okay, enlighten me. Which ones were the bad ones? I had a biker jacket while in the ’90′s… I have a bad feeling about it now.
Natt: Actually, I believe Leo had some thoughts on that. How’re you doing out there in the field?
Leo: Well, Natt, it’s a dry day in the field today, which is a good thing! I’d like to remind our younger, dryer, and perhaps more innocent listeners of one of the dangers of leather… or at least bad, ’90′s leather. Yes, that’s right: The Soak-Through Effect. It’s painful to admit this on the air, but in fact I once had a soaking wet leather jacket turn a perfectly good white dress shirt… PINK!This has been a Butch Public Service Announcement, from the field. Stay safe, kids!	Hussyred: There, there Leo, you’re strong enough for this.
Kyle:I’m assuming there was red liner in that jacket then? I think at this point we can safely say yes.
Natt: Thanks so much for that timely public service announcement, Leo. We’re going to take a short commercial break, but when we come back, Special Guest DebauchedDiva will talk to us about cures for your holiday crazies, Hussyred will feed us a special Thanksgiving Slice of Smut, and Kyle and I will Wank on the Air.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
Natt: Welcome back to Butch in the AM, where we’re tackling holiday blues the old fashioned way… dressing up in leather and posturing like we just don’t care. Say Kyle, we have a special holiday caller, here to tell us her coping strategies for the holiday crazy. Shall we put her on?
Kyle: Absolutely, my East Coast friend, bring it on!	Dangerous Lilly: I NEED AN ORGASM!!!!!!!!!!!
Natt: It is truly my pleasure to welcome the fabulous DebauchedDiva to our show. Hi Diva! Welcome to the show! How’s your week going, pre-holiday? Diva: Hi Natt. Thank you for that warm welcome. My week was quiet until today when every crazy person seemed to pop up.	Kyle: Okay Lilly, should we set up a charitable organization? Dangerous Lilly: Yessss… please… shall I just lay out naked and waiting? Kyle: Well there’s a form to fill our, actually… procedures to follow… you understand. Dangerous Lilly:(grabs Kyle by the shirt collar) GIVE TO ME THESE FORMS, MAN! DON’T HOLD OUT ON ME! Kyle: SECURITY! (Dangerous Lilly is dragged from studio by the Security Doms)

Butches in the Kitchen: Eating on a Dime

You know you’ve missed us; we missed you too. I know Kyle has a few recipes still up his sleeve,and so as not to miss out on the fun, I thought I’d share a delicious dish that’s been my lifesaver this last month.

I’ve been a little poor of late, which means no glamorous life of constant restaurant dining for me and lots of cooking at home and packing lunches. All well and good, you say, but really, who has time and money to cook delicious food and get up earlier in the morning to pack lunch?

Luckily for you, I agree. So here’s my cheap, simple, healthy and delicious burrito recipe:

Foodstuff:	Spices/ Seasoning:
1 tbsp olive oil1 onion (I use yellow or white)2 cloves of garlic 1 red pepper 1 green pepper 1 can of black beans Brown rice Tortillas (semi-optional, since this works well as a salad-type meal too) Avocado, sour cream, salsa (optional)	1 tablespoon chili powder1 1/2 teaspoons cumin1 teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 1/4 teaspoon onion powder 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

Okay, so honestly the thing that’s going to take longest in this recipe is the brown rice. It’s super healthy for you, but also a good 40-45 minutes of simmering goodness. If you’re just cooking for yourself, the first panel of serving instructions should work fine. A cup of uncooked rice should yield something like 2.5 cups cooked.

So pop that on the stove and get it going. When you have about 15 minutes left on the rice, you can start your prep. Personally, I’m a little OCD about my ingredients (or I watch too many cooking shows) so I like to have everything all chopped and in bowls beforehand. If this is you too, there should be the garlic pile, the onion pile, and then the red and green peppers, which you can cut into strips and then halve them so there aren’t giant spears o’ pepper in your burrito. If you prefer to prep as you go… well then there’s that as well.

Alright. Here we go:

Chop up the onion to your desired texture.

Put the olive oil in a pan, and let it heat up for 30-45 seconds. Then dump in your chopped onions. You want the heat on medium, so that the onions get lighter in color, but don’t start to brown. This process is going to take about 3 minutes.

While those onions are cooking away (and you’re occasionally stirring/shaking/checking on them) chop up two cloves of garlic (unless you already did, superstar!). You are going to add these to the onions after the 3 minute mark. I recently learned that my old method of doing the garlic first and then the onion was the reason it kept burning. The garlic you chopped is in tiny pieces. The onion will reduce the heat it’s being subjected to so you don’t get burnt garlic bits in your food. No one likes that.

Okay, now, with the garlic and onions well on their way to cooked (say 30 seconds to a minute) you’re going to add the spices. To be honest, I lifted this recipe from someone else, because the first time I made these, the recipe I followed said “Fajita Seasoning…” and I said, “WTF is THAT?” If you don’t have all the spices I listed, it’s totally okay. I usually just throw cumin, garlic salt, pepper, paprika, a little chili powder (and tumeric if I feel like making everything cheery and yellow) together and adjust to taste.

So add spices to the onions and garlic, and mix in for about 15 seconds.

Now add the peppers and stir well! This is going to cook for roughly 5 minutes, so that the peppers cook through but retain some crunch.

So your rice is pretty near done, your veggies look delicious:

Veggie Goodness

And all that’s left is the beans. Pop the can open, drain it, and toss them in a small pan over low heat for 2 minutes. I like to stir in a little hot sauce, but it’s completely up to you. Beans done.

Congratulations! Everything is done! Now all you have to do is assemble this sucker and dig in!

If you’re forgoing the tortilla, go scoop of rice, scoop of beans, and 2 scoops veggies piles in a bowl, top as you will and dig in.

Note on toppings: I <3 avocados with this, but have also done salsa and sour cream. Both are delicious. If you’re feeling really courageous, you COULD make guac for this (also delicious) but remember the avocados will run you extra at the supermarket. Also, personally I don’t feel the need for cheese in this mix, but I’m not gonna tell you not to do it. Your topping choices are your own.

If you want it all in a tortilla, I recommend looking for burrito sized ones (about 12 inch diameter). If you can’t find them, regular sized ones are fine, just be aware that there’s a lot to stuff into this meal and the smaller the tortilla the bigger the potential mess factor.

Tortilla heating methods vary. So people like them cold/straight out of the bag, others wrap a stack in tin foil and then throw them in a warm oven for a while. Still others nuke the suckers for about 15 seconds, and of course, there’s the tried and true method of laying one over the warm, delicious veggies you just made and letting it heat up that way. There is no wrong way (of the ways I’ve listed) to heat tortillas.
Once your tortilla has warmed to your liking, go rice, beans, veggies, toppings, roll it up and dig in.

Done right, this recipe should make 5 burritos, so potentially, you’re talking about 5 lunches or dinners or what have you. The rice and tortillas are an initial investment, but once you have those in stock, barring toppings, you’re looking at a meal that feeds you for multiple days for under $7. It just doesn’t get more awesome.

Enjoy!

Butches in the Kitchen: Eazy Keesh

This week, Kyle uses Baking with the Butch to showcase his easy and delicious quiche!

Check it out here!

Want more hot butch cooking in your kitchen? Get the scoop by checking out our Butches in Kitchen tab!

BitAM: The Infamous #8 Debate

So once upon a time, there was an internet meme, and it spawned, as they tend to, an inside joke so epic we’ve actually managed to keep it going for 3 months. So finally, courtesy of Diva, I present you with the orgins of Butches in the AM and #8, featuring Natt, Kyle, Debauched Domestic Diva, and with a guest appearance from NookieNotes.

God save us all, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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D   @nattnightly Can we do #8 together next time I see you?

N @debaucheddiva Yes, I will do #8 with you any time, any place!

D  @nattnightly We can do #8 after mac. & cheese. I have done it by myself but you know how that is when you are alone. It just isn’t the same

N @debaucheddiva Well, I mean, I think that done alone, there’s a certain stigma attached to it. Together makes it more acceptable

D @nattnightly The stigma kept me in the closet hiding while doing #8 in the past but I have recently made the choice to come out about it.

N  @debaucheddiva Wow. In the closet doing it? That’s intense. See, I’m lazy, so I like to be stretched out on the couch for that sort of thing

D  @nattnightly That was in the past that I was in the closet. I got brave and now I’m out. The couch will be fine for us to do #8

D  @nattnightly I just hope you don’t fall asleep after we’re done

N  @debaucheddiva I would NEVER! I’m a gentleman. I’ll hold you and we can snuggle and finish the movie

K  @debaucheddiva ok i gotta ask because I’m clueless, wtf is #8?

N @debaucheddiva Also, there should be wine. That particular set of actions goes best with a bottle of wine.

D   @ButchtasticKyle You’ll have to ask @nattnightly. It was his list

D  @nattnightly Red or white?

K @debaucheddiva yeah, he gave me the scoop.. I responded that I’m too lazy to come up with that many things..

D  @ButchtasticKyle Do you want to join us in doing #8? We can make it a threesome

N  @debaucheddiva Clearly red.

N  @debaucheddiva I like how you invite people without even asking me if I’m comfortable with that. You would end up double-teamed, you realize… although maybe that was the point?

K  @debaucheddiva LOL.. sure… I’ll bring my own equipment

K  @debaucheddiva @nattnightly .. is it ok if I just use my finger?

D  @nattnightly It isn’t as if I invited someone you didn’t know and of course that was my point. Notice I didn’t invite another girl to join

N@ButchtasticKyle I cannot even tell you how loudly I just laughed out loud in my office

K@nattnightly EXCELLENT!! exactly what I was going for

N@debaucheddiva I mean… you could have. Did you have someone in mind? Not that I don’t love @butchtastickyle but we could even it out

K @nattnightly I mean, shit, *I’m* still laughing

D @nattnightly That last one from @ButchtasticKyle made me laugh too. This is going to be quite a fun threesome for sure

K @nattnightly I concur.. a four way would be just right

D @nattnightly I can’t just choose anyone for this. They would have to be open to even doing it to begin with let alone with the three of us

K @debaucheddiva true.. trust and compatibility are essential

D@ButchtasticKyle Not everyone has the taste for doing #8.

N @debaucheddiva Hmmm, so how do we go about this? Wanted: A fourth to join Natt, Kyle and Diva for an intimate evening. Must be open to

K @debaucheddiva well, I obviously have a candidate in mind..

N sweet possibilities and enjoy red wine. Good mouth required, as well the ability to share with partners, laugh, and snuggle after

K and i am abso-fucking-lutely sure she’d be open to it all

K @debaucheddiva and @nattnightly I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t mind me using my fingers, either

N @ButchtasticKyle I’m sure she’d be quite… open to it?

N Although, I gotta say, this set-up runs the risk of pairing off for #8. Maybe we should invite anyone with a penchant.

K @nattnightly yes, good mouth: check, generous and sharing: check.. is into the ‘scene’: check

K @nattnightly and likes to snuggle: check

K @nattnightly heh.. dude.. you’re saying we should go for a group scene?

NN@nattnightly Damn… I don’t like wine (or any alcohol, never have), but that leaves more for the three of you… *batts eyelashes*

N@NookieNotes You’re gonna join us in #8? Are you sure you’re ready for that. It’s kind of intense. It’s not for the faint of heart

K @nattnightly ooh, looks like @nookienotes is applying for a position

N This is getting intense. I’m going to need a bigger couch!

K @nattnightly ::whispered aside:: this is turning into a Butches After Dark

K and where did @debaucheddiva go? is she doing #8 by herself?

D @nattnightly I hope @NookieNotes realizes this isn’t a vanilla scene

N @ButchtasticKyle ::whispers back:: which is interesting, since I thought for a minute it was going to be Butches in Diva

K @nattnightly dude, we can do #8 on the floor.. just toss some pillows and cushions around

K @debaucheddiva OK, you got me on that one!! LOL for sure

N   I just need to state, for the record, that this conversation is making my day.

K   @nattnightly ::I’m ok with that too

K   ok, actually snorted while laughing at that one @debaucheddiva

NN  @debaucheddiva Vanilla, I don’t need no stinkin’ vanilla! *grins* Should I bring my flogger or violet wand?

N    @NookieNotes Only if you like things whipped

K     @NookieNotes hmmm.. this is gonna get messy, isn’t it? @nattnightly, what do you think?

D    @nattnightly That would be BiD. Don’t get me excited her if you two are not going to deliver. I’m drooling at the thought of this.

K    @debaucheddiva you’re worried we’re teases? all talk and no #8?

D    @nattnightly I want to know which one of us is going to twitter what #8 is

NN   @nattnightly Yes. Whipped bottoms, whipped breasts, I think I mentioned whipped cream earlier… *innocent smile

N   Oh my god. This is amazing. I’m so sad I have to leave. Kyle, have a great weekend. I expect not to hear from you. Diva, I love you

K    @nattnightly love you too, man! I will have a great evening.. and I’ll be laughin over this for a while

K   @debaucheddiva I think the answer is, no one’s going to twitter what #8 is..
 
D    @ButchtasticKyle As a matter of fact I am worried. Promising me something that is full of sugar and sweetness but not delivering

N    @debaucheddiva No one is going to twitter it. #8 is on a need-to-know basis

D    @nattnightly Love you two. I am putting this into a script and emailing it to you

K   @debaucheddiva awww, now, darlin.. I am not one to promise what I cannot deliver.. send me a plane ticket and I’m all over #8 with you

NN    @nattnightly @debaucheddiva @ButchtasticKyle I am honored to have participated in the #8 audition for you all. *curtsies*

K    @debaucheddiva thank you.. i was just gonna do it.

K   @NookieNotes and you were lovely… leave your number at the front desk and we’ll get back to you

NN    @ButchtasticKyle *slips you my number with a kiss and a nibble

K    @NookieNotes mmmmm.. yes.. I’ll make sure to get back to you.. mmhmm

NN  @ButchtasticKyle WooOOooT!

K    @NookieNotes ya know, if you nibble me a little more, I’ll make sure you get a very good recommendation

New Feature: Butches in the Kitchen!

Hey y’all! Butches in the AM is proud to annouce a new feature on the site: Butches in the Kitchen. Check it out by clicking the title or by following the tab up in the right-hand corner.

Check it out, enjoy, and as always, leave us love and let us know what you think!

Butches in the GYM

I know, I know, we’ve been remiss. More accurately, I’VE been remiss; Kyle’s way more on top of this than I am. However, as an act of contrition, I’m offering something I personally find quite useful.

Spring is on the way, and we all know that for the feminine people in our lives, this means a mad scramble for bathing suit season. But us over here with much less intention of ever donning such attire, summer means a-shirts, shorts, and more tees at the very least. So with this in mind, courtesy of a good friend, I offer you the Butches Guide to Getting Ripped for Summer!

Depending on your preference, it’s a 4 or 5 day a week workout that covers Chest, Abs, Shoulders, Arms, Back, and Legs and how to get them primed for optimum femme swoonage.

Enjoy!

-Natt

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The Schedule

What do you want from your Butches in the A.M.?

If you have ideas for Butches in the A.M. discussion topics, or ideas on content we can add to this blog, please let us (Natt Nightly and Kyle at Butchtastic) know by leaving a comment on this story.

Episode 4 (1/16/2009):Is This The Real Life?

Natt: And GOOD MORNING Twitterverse! Didja miss us? I bet you did! Well no need to worry, Butches in the AM is back from hiatus and ready to rock! We’ve got a great show for you today, and we’re not sticking to the light and fluffy stuff. Real substance is DEFINITELY in order! Diva: It’s about damn time BitAM is back. Kyle: Yes ma’am. We agree! Kyle: Happy New year tweeples. I know I missed you, Natt. I agree. Let’s get meaty and deep this morning. We have all weekend to recover. What do we lead with, my friend? Which meaty non-fluffy topic do you have on your mind? Natt: Well, to kick it off, a little recap is in order. I believe you have something to share with the class? Kyle: I do.. my family will be growing by one this year, Mrs. Kyle is pregnant. We’re due in July. My daddy factor is incrementing. Natt: Congratulations! That’s awesome! Hooray for growing families! How do you feel? Kyle: We’re pretty excited; this is a long time coming. Of course, I’m gonna be very, very busy and tired the second part of 2009 Natt: So, thus far in the process, what is it like to be the non-pregnant partner? Better? Worse? Totally different and incomparable? Kyle: Hmmm. Well I can certainly relate to what she’s going through, and my responsibilities are increasing. She’s really tired. But I had 4 months of feeling ill, and she hasn’t had a spot of morning sickness. Lucky girl. Natt: I bet. Making life doesn’t seem like it would be a particularly relaxing task Kyle: Well, it’s amazing and wonderful and you feel like an alien invaded your body. How about you, my friend? What’s going on with you in the post-holiday haze? Diva: Ask Natt about the hot date he had last Friday night! Kyle: Yeah, we should get the report on that, shouldn’t we? Natt: My own holiday haze has been just that: hazy. Working on getting back into the flow of things, and dealing with all the stuff that happened while I was away. Kyle: Mmhmm. I know we swapped coasts for a while, and the visit home was mixed. Natt: Which, actually, is a nice segue way into our next topic! Kyle: Let’s get to it! Natt: So what we’re going to talk about today is something that happens quite frequently, but is easy to overlook: the conflating of real life with your blog life. Let’s be honest. We all spend a fair amount of time online, be it twittering, chatting, blogging, facebooking etc. And it’s easy to get swept up in it, and to make it what your life’s all about. And even more dangerous, is the potential for it to become who you are, so you live your virtual life without being held accountable for its effects on your actual one. Kyle: Yes it is. It’s easy to lose sight of priorities, of the effect we’re having on our in-the-flesh friends and family. And maybe it’s a sign of my addiction, but I don’t want to completely ditch my online life, but balance is important Natt: My question is this: In this world of the blog, how do we make sure we’re staying accountable and grounded? Kyle: I completely agree. I’m curious. Any listeners who can relate to what we’re talking about? Diva: It is up to each individual to do that. Some will find the balance very important & others will be totally caught up in their virtual life because that is what they want or need. Kyle: It’s very individual. I know for the health of my family life, I need to stay in balance.. And I need to be mindful of the impact my online actions have on my relationships… which seem to be growing in number   Diva: Exactly. It depends on who the individual is and what they are getting out of their online persona. And this was a conversation Natt & I had last week when we were out. I don’t want lead two separate lives for me it is not healthy. However I can’t be completely out because of my job and children so I need to find a middle. Kyle: Like you, I’m not happy having too many ‘closets’ to deal with. I don’t want to have to hide one life from the other Natt: I guess my concern is, how do you make sure you’re not JUST your online persona. I know, as a person who compartmentalizes, I sometimes think I can do things as Natt that are totally at odds with my real life. I love being Natt and writing, but Natt cannot be all that I am. If people only see me as Natt, they lose out on a huge part of who I am, and those relationships can only be so meaningful. Kyle: I have a similar situation with Kyle, which is a very important, but not complete, part of who I am. I guess the key is having people in our offline lives who will call us on our shit. People we respect and can be honest with Natt: Agreed. I think keeping in touch with our offline lives gives us a better way of coping in the midst of the virtual jungle. Diva: But I don’t see you as Natt anymore. We met as Natt & Diva but we are not those two people anymore in our relationship which I think is part of the key to the balance between these two worlds. Same for Kyle and me. We all meet because we have blogs and twitter in common but then for some of us we take that to another level. That is how I combine my online and personal life. Kyle: Agreed. We can manage the online relationships at different levels. And as Diva points out, sometimes my online friendships turn into offline friendships, and maybe more. I’ve got a blog post started already about the frustration of being open and honest in my blog, when the people I’m involved with don’t want to necessarily read about each other. this started with my wife, who is proud and happy for me, but isn’t a Butchtastic reader and now gf Jaz is shying away because I’m writing about Roxy. So I could stop. But that makes me ill. I’ve lost track several times already in the past few months. My wife calls it the honeymoon phase, and we’ve both been through it many times over the years of our internet lives . She’s very active online as well. But I think I’m settling down again. Of course, with a baby on the way, I’d better settle down, huh? Steff: I’m online a lot because I’m being cheap, staying home, and have been antisocial a long time, but even though I’m around a lot, I’m very cynical about this and the blog and all. I know who I’ll be calling when I have a body to move at 3am, and it ain’t no one from these parts. Accountability, well, you just gotta know what/who/why you’re writing (for). I do. Me. Kyle: Hi Steff! Thanks for the call. Good points. Know your motives, right? Have you had incidents where your online life interfered or had a negative impact on RL? Steff: I lost one job because they knew about my blog. I had another employer lord it over me, so I quit. So, yeah. It happens. THAT said, I’m totally out. With enough digging you can find my full name attached to my blog. My current employers know. Well, someone outted me a long time ago. I’ve made the best of it. My bosses supportive of my writing & don’t care. Whew Kyle: Oh, I know. I have to be careful about who knows what. But I resent that, you know? Good for you being as open as you can be Audacia: For me, I’ve better achieved accountability by my online life being followed by “RL” friends etc. forging “RL” relationships that started online is good too (putting “RL” in quotes because I think digital intimacy is real. idea of “real” being not online bugs me) Diva: I think you wrote one of the best posts about online vs. RL back in Dec. after that day we were at brunch Audacia: Diva is referring to this post RE online/life: http://tinyurl.com/6sxm5a Kyle: I’ve invited RL friends. But they’re rather silent so far. And my wife doesn’t read Butchtastic. Not regularly. Audacia: The other piece of that: non-online peeps think active online life is weird. Would it be weird if your wife read Butchtastic? Diva: You’re exactly right about non-online peeps. They can’t comprehend making friends with strangers online. Kyle: True. People who don’t grok online also don’t’ value the relationships we form here. Dacia, I’m proud of what I’m doing in Butchtastic, and I’d be happy for her to read it so we could talk about everything. Natt: I find there tend to be less boundaries in the virtual world. So when you meet offline, you find that you’ve exposed more than maybe you would have if the whole interaction weren’t digital. Or at least you’ve done so much faster. Diva: I do think one of the best things about our online lives it that you find friends that you might not have met IRL. Because of age difference, jobs, location Any of those things. I get to know a wide range of people online which is a plus too Audacia: Getting to know people via internet who you wouldn’t otherwise meet is really the highlight of it for me Natt: Agreed. I’ve met some really amazing people through the online community. I think though, sometimes, it’s important to know what you’re putting out there. I think the levels of intimacy we open ourselves up to online are often not justified in terms of how well you ACTUALLY know people.And that intimacy is seductive. You feel simultaneously connected and still at a safe distance because that person only knows what you tell them about your life. For me, I found it was easy to neglect the people I’d know for a long time when presented with the prospect of being “Natt.” I could control what people knew about me and it felt separate from a life that had real consequence, because I controlled my image. It doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t value my online relationships, but I definitely sacrificed my offline ones in their interest Kyle: Well, the fact that you recognize that is a step in the direction of solving the issue, right? Diva: I did the same thing last year and for the wrong reasons. I finally realized that and now always try to find a balance between FreedomGirl: That’s really rough. for me, online relationships are turning out to be much more real and rewarding, because it is so hard to meet people who are open-minded and tolerant about who I really am Kyle: That’s very true, especially depending on where you live and what context you live in. one of the things I’ve noticed about myself is that I get so excited about how much I can share, and easily, that I see my friends differently. But really, I’m just not giving them a chance. If I don’t open up to them in the same way. how do I really know how they’ll react? I have to take the chance, if I want to integrate my two lives and why shouldn’t my wife be a little resentful of all the time I’m spending online, if I’m not giving her as much focus? FreedomGirl: Also, my online relationships have helped me reach out to people irl here where I live. Positive results all round. Kyle: That’s beautiful. looping back from the online to the offline in a positive way. see Natt, it can happen that way. What I’ve found is that when I open up to her and share my excitement, she supports me, we’re in on it together, you know? Natt: I totally get that. One of my wake-up calls was when V told me that all I ever talked about was my blog. And then I went out with Tess, Diva, and her, the majority of what we talked about was blog-related. So I think it can be deeper even than making VL friends RL.I think if you want to cultivate relationships, eventually you have to move outside of topics that only revolve around your inital medium. Diva: Yes and that night we talked about jobs, families and school. We also talked about SWA issues. Blogs are there because of common people we know but like Kyle said if we were all parents on a soccer team we would be talking about that too. FreedomGirl: I must say I like your blog better because I did meet you irl, and have a sense of you as a real person. same with Sinclair, and all the others: Tina, Jess, Gr.e.G, etc Diva: I think there is a stigma or something attached to this online world that because it is online it isn’t real or we need to question it Kyle: Well, we know that people who don’t see this as ‘real’ just haven’t tried it. That’s my take anyhow Diva: Tess and I met online from her blog and we are the best of friends now. I connected with what she wrote. The blog related stuff though was this conversation. Of combining the two worlds which I think is normal considering how we all met and the community we share. As friendships grow like Tess & I we spend our time talking about all the other things in life. Natt: Exactly. But it had to be a jumping off point. It’s more than just talking about blogs all day. Kyle: Sure, and recognize that it takes time. If you meet someone through soccer, for example, at first that’s the topic . If you want to continue the friendship, it’s probably got to expand to family, career, hobbies, etc but I think there’s a natural progression that happens with new friendships Steff: Yeah, but I’m part of this world and I think the relationships aren’t the same as in real life. I STRONGLY believe that. Kyle: Hmmm. But is ‘not the same’ necessarily a negative thing? Not that I’m assuming your point. Steff: It’s real easy to be friends with people you can power down when you’re not in the mood. The real world requires more. It’s different if you meet in person and do real-people things, but if all it is is the whole online thing, no, I don’t. Kyle: That is so true. We can all shut off our computers. No, really I can Steff: It is to the SOUL what being truly with other people, REALLY talking, and enjoying peoples’ company is. Not by a long shot. And in a society that seems to be losing more and more soul by the hour, shouldn’t soul-worthiness be a consideration? Kyle: I hear you but don’t feel that I’m losing my soul. Online community participation can be very rewarding and when I click with someone online, sometimes that relationship moves away from the computer. And that’s wonderful Diva: I think some are. For Tess & I we clicked right from the beginning and our friendship is over a year old. Not all my online relationships have been like that but I am as close with Tess and friends I have had since childhood. (I misunderstood what you were saying. Yes if it is only online then it is different. But most of my friendships I have met IRL.) Kyle: Well, and you and Tess have real life interactions to reinforce that. which is the point Steff is making, I think. Steff: That’s different. I’ve been using the computer socially for 20 years, had a 7yr relationship as a result of one connection, but I think these only-online relationships fail badly. One only needs to start e-dating to realize how MUCH computers lack. I agree, there’s a place and a void to be filled by online life, but I think a lot of people are in danger of thinking I agree, there’s a place and a void to be filled by online life, but I think a lot of people are in danger of thinking Diva: I agree, there’s a place and a void to be filled by online life, but I think a lot of people are in danger of thinking Steff: And I don’t think being on Twitter = LOSING your soul. I just don’t think it’s FILLING your soul. Big difference. I speak kind of from experience. I’ve been in isolation for months now by choice, but in a healthier way. When my mom died 10 years ago, I spiralled into heavy drinking and drug use, and stayed home online and became very cyber-addicted. It hurt me more than it helped, but at the time it just made me feel less alone in the world. Which might’ve been good. Kyle: I see your point, as a substitute for real life, not so good. I do know the benefits of being online too basically, or me, there has to be a balance. I am very entertained and informed through my online connections. basically, or me, there has to be a balance. I am very entertained and informed through my online connections. I’ve also made connections that have advanced my career. And certainly my social life and we all know that’s what happens sometimes. and again, balance. sometimes we need to be able to escape Steff: Absolutely. So that’s just my thing, I think the line between healthy and not, like most healthy things, is pretty thin. Audacia: I think the internet is in a period of transition too – once folks feel a little over OMGinternets! it will be just a tool. Which is to say, a means, not an end. which I think it still is very much at the moment. Kyle: Yeah, and you have an experience that really informs you and probably also causes alarms to go off occasionally Audacia: “levels of intimacy we open ourselves up to online are often not justified” – YES. But it can become compulsive – it has for me. Natt: I think that’s really what kicked this off for me. I got really addicted to being this persona, and I let it affect who I was and how I connected to people. I would have flashes of clarity about it, but the desire for intimacy with safety was addicting Audacia: I’m definitely more self-aware about those same issues today than 5 years ago, but for I’m still very entangled good & bad in the web. especially when things are bad/uncertain, I find myself entangled with the internet intensely: lots of clicking w/o knowing what I’m looking for. Diva: In the beginning I think it can get overwhelming and that is where you need to work on balance and combine your IRL friendships with some of your online friendships. It is being able to do that I think is the key. Steff: Well, I just remember the level of needyness and feeling “alone” I had back then, and I watch things unfold like that MySpace suicide last year, or my friend who was killed via Craigslist, & yeah, I find myself more emotionally removed now. But the thing is, I still enjoy this. So, it’s possible to be removed yet enjoy the thing. Balance indeed. Sorta. Diva: Balance is key in anything you do. If you are trying to avoid something else in your life then it isn’t a good thing. Steff: Oh, fuck. Avoiding shit is bad? HOW DO I MISS THESE MEMOS? [heads desk] GAH. Kyle: There you go “balance in all things”. it’s a communication tool, right? It allows us access to information and communities we might not otherwise have . Audacia: Definitely. but I think the shiny newness makes people talk a lot about blogs and twitter and and but at the end of the day it’s really about people and conversations. buzzphrase warning: “content is king” Kyle: Well hell yeah. Just like having a new hobby of any kind can get you a bit wrapped up in it for a while. and have your friends rolling their eyes in exasperation. Steff, that distance is important for you and it’s good you can keep it now. Dacia: clicking around can be soothing. It’s how I unwind and relax. It’s not a bad thing, but I can’t spend my whole day doing it.Should we wrap this show up? Remember, the transcript will be available on our Butches in the A.M. blog. let me get the link… the Butches in the A.M. blog is at http://butchesintheam.wordpress.com Natt: Yes lets. Thank you to everyone who chimed in. We may need to do a follow up show. Cyber addiction, accountability, and communication. Sounds like we’ve given you a good chunk of thought to chew on over the weekend Kyle: We’d like to thank our wonderful listeners for the excellent participation this morning and I’d like to thank my esteemed co-host, Natt. Thank you my friend Natt: So until next time, this is a person who sometimes writes as Natt Nightly saying, “You stay classy, twitterverse!” Kyle: And I guess I’ll sign off with “”Have a great weekend!” We’ll see you all next Friday. Until next Friday, this is Daddy Kyle saying. Stay balanced. or you might fall off!

 A big thank you to everyone who participated in the show. You can read more about them on their respective blogs/twitters:

Audacia Ray

Debauched Diva

SmuttySteff

FreedomGrrrl

Episode 1 (11/21/2008): An Idea Takes Shape

Natt: G’mornin’ Twitter-verse, and welcome to Butches in the AM. This morning we’re discussing winterizing, cock size, and Kyle will weigh in on the quickest ways to warm up, or maybe steam up, your truck cab.

 

Kyle: That’s right Natt! When the weather grows cold, we all need to find ways to stay steamed up. I know our special correspondent Leo Maccool has some butch fashion tips for those of us in especially cold offices…

 

Natt: Plus, we’ve invited Special guest Sinclair Sexsmith  to bring us his thoughts on an intriguing new sex toy: Flasks you can fuck with, anyone?

 

Kyle: I have to admit, I myself need a flask .. Never know when you’ll need a shot of tequila… for yourself or a friend and I love multipurpose toys, don’t you?

 

Natt: Absolutely Kyle. As a butch, it’s important to have tools that strike the right balance of style and functionality

 

Kyle: I couldn’t agree more. I know I’d be happy to whip it out and offer a drink to any femme in need. Being handy is an excellent quality in a butch. Let’s go to the phones!

We have our first caller, Dangerous Lilly. How are you this morning, sweetheart?

 

Dangerous Lilly: It’s a shitty, shitty Friday, dear. Bizarre to say “shitty” and “Friday” in the same sentence. That toy sounds like exactly what I could use right now. A fuck and a drink.

 

Kyle: Exactly why you need a dick flask, eh? That would double your chances of reducing the shittiness of your Friday.

 

Natt: Isn’t that the truth! Lilly, we’re sending big butch hugs your way. Be sure to keep us updated on the unfolding of your day. Now, out to Fashion Correspondent, Leo in the field.

 

Leo: Leo de Frog here, reporting from the frozen swamps of Boston with a special report on fingerless gloves and cubicle-friendly burn barrels. But first, breaking news: a rogue lizard, spotted on the floor, has now been safely transported to the park in a jam jar.

Does this incident confirm that alleged trend of butches going to extreme lengths for creepy crawlies? Back to you in the studio.

 

Kyle: Well, when femmes are in danger (or even think they are), we will step up and do what is necessary.

 

Natt: Word. We have to take a short commercial break, but be sure to stay tuned for Butch in the AM’s Femme Correspondent Hussyred with your daily Slice of Smut.

 

Kyle: And later, our daily segment “Wanking on the Air” with your hosts Natt Nightly and Butchtastic Kyle.

 

Hussyred:G’morning, butches and the femmes who love them. This morning, I bring you snippets from my print column “Sultry Tales of Office Hours.

      

In part 1 of this special report, I tell the behind-closed-door events of a femme instructor and her butch TA re: a discrepancy over grades